Summer Balance

I find myself longing for the summer vacations of the past - of sleeping late, curling up on a chair with a book, playing games with my son. Last summer, we weren't home much and when we were, I was still trying to keep a part time job that had been graciously flexible with me as I dealt with the death of my father and dealing with his estate.

It would be too easy to fall into that same pattern this summer. There's plenty to keep me busy, plenty of projects to work on. And my son is a good sport about the work we have been doing so far this summer. But I feel like this is a critical juncture. I feel like I HAVE to get this balance thing right this summer. Summer break is too short and school will start before we know it. Once August gets here, summer will be gone.

Volunteer Syndrome

Recently, my father was in town for a visit and ran into an old friend. He explained that he was in town to see us and she asked for my name. When he gave it to her, she said she recognized it from church. His response was something about me having volunteer syndrome.

Less than a week later, the superintendent from my son's school asked me to lead a "committee" for the school. When I mentioned it to Dad, he said, "And you practiced your 'firm No Thank You?'" Apparently my father thinks I take on too much.

And he is probably right. It is flattering to be asked to serve, and I love to feel like I am helping people or causes that are meaningful to me or to my family.

Do you have "Volunteer Syndrome?" Or have you perfected the "firm No Thank You?"

These Days - Part 2

As I said Tuesday, my new part time job has led me to question everything I was doing with my time. 

• Do I still want to be a writer? If so, what does that look like now that I am working regularly? If not, what do I do with all the things I have been doing for the last few years? Some of my goals for the new year were about writing and submitting. What do I do with those now?
• Can I keep up with two blogs? Can I keep up with the reading required to blog about books four days a week? Do I have enough to say here on this blog?
• I follow a lot of blogs, and get a lot of them sent to me through email - things mostly about writing and blogging. Can I keep up with all of those? Do I even need to? Are they all worth the time I spend on them or the space they take up in email folders and web bookmarks?
• I love to be crafty, but lately I have become more of a collector of supplies than an actual crafter. And that was before I was working every day. What do I do now that my free time is limited to a few hours every evening after my son goes to bed?

I am still working through these questions. I figure the first few weeks of a new job are no time to make choices like these. I am still learning the job (which I am thoroughly enjoying - but that is a topic for another blog) and taking care of the responsibilities I had already committed to at my son's school. These other questions will sort themselves out over the next few months. 

But it still feels funny to have these things that seemed so important a few weeks ago become "optional" all of a sudden.

These Days - part 1

I know there are a few of you out there who follow my ramblings here. Did you notice nothing got posted on Saturday? Yeah, I forgot to blog.

Pretty crazy considering how anal careful I am about that. But last week got away from me. I started a new part time job last week and while the hours are completely reasonable and I am enjoying the work, the whole thing has sort of knocked me off kilter.

Two weeks ago, if someone had asked me how I spend my time, I would have listed off bunches of things - blogging, 3 email accounts, household chores, writing, Writing Club, a writing course, subbing, etc.

Last week I realized how much of what I did was busy-work, done out of guilt for being at home. I didn't want anyone to think that I was a total slacker, letting my husband work 45+ hours a week while I sat around reading books and doing whatever I pleased. So I made myself busy.

But now that I have a "real" job outside the home, all of the things that I did to be busy and to feel productive have lost their meaning. The goals I set for 2010 have lost some momentum because I feel my life is heading in a completely new direction now....

Now that I have recognized those things, I'm trying to figure out what to do with this revelation. Come back Thursday and see if I have come up with anything! Or leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

The Great Debate

For the last couple weeks I have been engaging in "the Great Debate" with myself - to work or not to work?

I left a full time job when my son was about 6 months old. The leadership was changing and I wasn't sure it was the right place for me any more. Around the time I left, I started doing some consulting work, which I was able to do from home. I wrote 5 units of adult Sunday school curriculum over 5 years. I worked under a Lily grant, helping social service agencies assess how well they were doing their work. I subcontracted with a friend who was working on some federal grants, doing some of his data analysis and reporting. I worked part time for a local branch of Big Brothers Big Sisters. When my son started kindergarten, I taught part time at his school and filled in some hours with subbing. This year I have been subbing, but usually not more than once or twice a week.

So, honestly, there haven't been many moments when I haven't been working. But it has mostly been from home or when my son has been in school and I have been just down the hall from him.

Then I got an email from a friend asking me to consider a full time job. I was torn. Work means money - a precious commodity in this economy and something my family could use right now. But work also means walking away from summers and school breaks with my son, and walking away from the students I have grown to love over the last two years spent subbing in almost every class in the building. I wasn't sure how my son would react to not having me around like he's been used to. This choice seemed monumental - a complete shift in where I thought my life was going. I wasn't sure I was ready.

After prayer and consultation with family and friends, I interviewed for the position. I start my new part-time job today. 

Part-time seemed like a good compromise for our family and I think I will be able to do the work they want done during the hours my son is at school. Our summers will be different, but we decided as a family to go ahead and make this change. I am excited about the work to be done and the potential in this opportunity. So today marks a new season for our family.

Have you dealt with "the Great Debate" - work or home or some combination? How did you make your choice?

52 Qualities of Prosperous Writers - #6 is Passion

Christina Katz wrote this week about the role of passion in being a prosperous writer.

Passion is something I think I get. I am passionate about books, about writing, about my family, about kids, about self-discovery, about football, about crafts.... Actually, there are a LOT of things I am passionate about.  Maybe too many at times!

Christina encourages writers to exercise caution when it comes to passion - recognizing the "dark side" of passion when good sense and good manners get lost. Balance is key.

So, if I become obsessed with reading every book I can get my hands on because I just have to keep up with my blog and I just have to know how the story ends or because I know so-and-so will love it if it is as good as it sounds, and my house gets messy and laundry piles up and we live on junk food and my family is neglected, I have taken my passion too far. 

If I try to do everything that I am passionate about all at the same time with no sense of priorities or any kind of reasonable expectation, I will get overloaded and stressed out. I will be doing everything - at least for awhile - but not of it will be done well because I will be trying to do too much.

But if I create a plan, give myself grace when I just can't keep up with the plan, and periodically re-evaluate the plan to see if it is still feasible and doing what I need for it to do, then I can keep my passion in balance with the other things in my life. That balance will help me be successful - "prosperous" - in a variety of areas.

Strongest Life, final

Let's wrap up our look at some bits from Find Your Strongest Life by Marcus Buckingham.

I wasn't really surprised to hear that multitasking isn't good for us - that it drops our IQ. I know that feeling of divided attention where a lot of things are getting done, but few if any are done well. I was surprised, though, that Mr. Buckingham thinks our quest for "balance" is off target. In his opinion, we should skew our lives toward our strengths, our strong moments. If we build more of those into our lives, we will have the energy we need for the things that aren't our strongest but have to be done anyway, and the things that don't have to be done will fall off our to do lists in time because we are doing the things that strengthen us most. This ties in nicely with the discussion about Sabbath and about learning to say no to some things so you can say yes to the things that matter most.

If you go here, you can take the Strong Life Test for free and find out what your leading and supporting roles are. You will need a copy of the book to find out what they mean and how to apply them. I came out with a Lead Role of Motivator and Supporting Role of Creator. When I first read those words, I was not convinced - not when other choices were Teacher or Caretaker or Advisor. But when I read the descriptions, I was more convinced. I have been writing a lot lately about my passions and philosophy of life and some of those things were reflected in these terms and their descriptions. Now I am spending time looking at specific activities in my life that are "strong moments" and figuring out how to have more of them.

Hope you have enjoyed thinking about finding your strongest life! Let me know what you find out if you try the test!

Profound Husband

I often find myself wondering how much is too much when it comes to activities for my son. This fall he has school, piano and soccer, plus two long afternoons at school for activities (one is mine, so he goes to aftercare and the other is one we do together). I realized how busy we are right now when I thought about trying to schedule an afternoon doctor or dentist appointment! There are few days we could fit that in with our other commitments, at least for the next few weeks until soccer ends. Evenings for young children are very short. He starts preparing for bed between 7:15 and 7:30, so when you squeeze in homework, piano practice, and dinner, some days there isn't much time for play - especially if there is a soccer practice or some other unusual activity. But the activities we have chosen are in the schedule for a reason. And we stand by those reasons.

One day as my husband was relaying this all to a friend as they talked about scouting, my husband said something profound that I wrote down so I wouldn't forget it:

"It is much easier to add programming for a bored child than it is to break commitments."

That is so true! And our son is NOT bored. But once we start something, it is painful to break the commitment. We thought about changing from piano to drums this year, in mid year, and those conversations with his piano teacher were painful. She came up with enough things to excite him to stick with it until May, but practicing is still a chore. It isn't something he looks forward to or is eager to do. [Drums on the other hand are often the first things he runs to when he is finally "free" to do whatever he wants!]

We are still learning to find the right amount of activity and rest. My husband's declaration will help us keep perspective.

Too much of a good thing

I have been thinking a lot lately about having too much of a good thing. There are so many great things available to us - things that fill our free time, things that make life easier, etc. - but there is a tipping point where those things are no longer a help but a hindrance.

For example, I blogged the other day that my need to be busy, to check things off a to do list, can go too far where I get burned out and just shut down, not wanting to do anything. Or I take on too much and can't keep all the balls in the air without something crashing.

This happens other places, too. You love your computer at work and all the things it allows you to do - until it crashes or the power goes out. You love your cell phone and the ability to have it with you where ever you are in case of emergency. But when it dies, you lose your phone book, pictures, and the ability to seek help if you need it. Facebook is a great way to stay connected to old friends and to make new ones. But sometimes old friends should stay in the past and not mix in with your present life. Or you hear stories about teenagers who are getting harassed on Facebook by "friends" or who use things that happen on social networking sites as a way to manipulate others. It is so easy to get out of balance.

Balance is something I am seeking but rarely finding. Maybe you are that way too. How do you find balance in your life?

Warn those who are idle

Recently I spent a whole day in bed, sick. Other than school drop off and pick up and dinner with my family, I hung out in my bedroom. I did a few things on the laptop, took a couple nice naps, went through half a box of tissues... and read 3.5 books. It bothered me all day that I had a huge list of things to do, but I felt too crummy to do them. But I also couldn't just lay there.

I tried. My husband came home that afternoon from a business trip, and after we put our son to bed, we watched some TV while he got on the computer. For a couple minutes, I just rested my head on his shoulder, but I was restless. It felt like "wasted" time if there wasn't something I could accomplish or cross off a list. So I read a book.

Looking back I have to laugh at my inability to be idle. I guess I must have taken the admonition that "Idle hands are the devil's tools" too seriously at some point in my life. Usually this is an asset. I can get a lot of things done and I am pretty organized. I juggle projects well, for the most part. But there are moments when it can be too much of a good thing. Either I get so tired from juggling or so bored with my usual activities that I get burned out and have to set everything aside for a couple days to regroup (which makes me tense because I am not getting anything done).

In a perfect world, I would give myself a day of grace every week or so to do "nothing" - to be crafty, or veg out and watch a movie. But there is always something to be done, and I just can't help being the one to do it.

Balance

I resonated with this blog post recently. It's called "It's Only Money." I found myself with these same thoughts not too long ago.

My husband was wrapping up a four-week sabbatical from work (what a great perk, by the way). We had taken two trips to see family, and had done more shopping than our budget could handle. So we started scaling back, eating out less, staying home instead of running to the book store (and you should know after blog entries like this one, and my book blog, that I love the book store!) or Target, etc.

So we came to the end of his time off. Our son started school on a Wednesday, leaving us three days to spend together - something very precious. We used one day for errands and chores we hadn't yet completed. We used a coupon I won in the library summer reading program to eat cheaply at a restaurant we never would have tried otherwise - and it was great. Another day was for him to golf (something he paid for back in the spring) and me to spend some time on personal projects. For the last day, we had entertained the idea of going to the bookstore (vetoed because it was too tempting to spend money, plus the gas it would take to get there), just going to a coffee shop in town (less driving, no shopping), or just plain staying home.

Then I started thinking of how pathetic that was - to end a great season together by sitting at our house, where we were likely to do chores or go to separate rooms of the house to do our own things. So, we scrounged up a BOGO coupon for Denny's and went out to breakfast together. We lowered our expenses, didn't drive a long way, and got to spend a couple hours together (talking fantasy football). Technically, we didn't have the money to go out for breakfast or for the lunch a couple days before. But we made a choice to spend a little to celebrate a lot - the sabbatical, and being together. And those are some of the things I want to remember from the month together.

I think the lesson here is balance. We need to shop less and spend less than we were, but we need to remember that we are making memories together. And I don't want all of those memories to be of my son asking to do something and me telling him we don't have the money. When we exercise balance in the every day things, we have more opportunities to say "yes" for the extra-ordinary.