This is a phrase I coined in recent weeks. It is a good description for how I've been feeling lately. I guess I was operating on faulty assumptions in one area of my life, and when those assumptions were challenged, I wasn't sure what to do next. It felt like one of the planks of the foundation of my life was warped and wobbly and crumbling away all of a sudden. It still feels that way if I think about it too much.
Unfortunately, that is how I work. I think about things a LOT. I replay moments over and over in my head. I ask the same questions in several different forms. I plan out emails or blog posts or conversations in my mind where I ask my questions and raise my concerns. But if there's no real-life outlet for all that thinking, it can just be an exercise in frustration rather than something helpful.
I still would like my questions and concerns addressed. I feel like there is a kernel of doubt lingering that time by itself won't resolve. I'm trying to determine what my response should be to all the emotional upheaval - is it important for me to pursue the questions I have, or is it better to try to put it behind me and focus on the work to be done today? How do I care for others who have questions and are looking to me for answers when I still have questions of my own? I'm afraid the upheaval has changed some of the relationships I hold dear in my life and I don't know what to do about that, either.
I feel like a lot of my life the last couple years has been significant emotional ups and downs. I had hoped we were past some of that, so this one caught me by surprise and it's lingering.
"You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on You
because he trusts in You."
~ Isaiah 26:3
Hoping for that "perfect peace." Soon.