Every year, the teachers at my school get a "Partner in Prayer." This is a person you pray for, leave notes for, and some times leave a small gift. It's a fun program, but it can be hard in the business of the school year to apply your creativity to your PIP.
This year, on the first day of book fair, a student knocked on the library door before school started. She handed me a large cup of my favorite soda from a nearby gas station. Taped to the cup was a note that said something like, "On the first day of book fair, my Partner in Prayer gave to me a Caffeine-free Diet Pepsi."
How cute! And a very welcome treat (although, after having been up until midnight the night before to get book fair ready, the "leaded" variety of Diet Pepsi would have been welcome, too!). I thought it was a fun treat and didn't really expect anything more of it.
But on day two, there was another "verse" as well as two Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and a can of Diet Pepsi.
And every day of the fair after that, there was another verse and another treat. It was delightful. I felt so loved and cared for. It was clever and it showed some planning and effort on the part of my PIP - something my own Partner in Prayer was not receiving from me.
"Appreciated" is too mild a word to describe how I felt after these daily treats during book fair. And I am inspired to do better for my PIP so he/she feels just as valued and cared for as I did during book fair.
Showing posts with label appreciation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label appreciation. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Unappreciation
There's all sorts of research out there that says when you praise kids, be sure to be specific. Highlight what you want to reinforce. Generic praise ("That was super") doesn't get the job done like specifics ("I really appreciated the way you picked that trash up in the parking lot today. It wasn't yours, and no one asked you to do it. You saw something that needed to be done, and you did it. That's classy.").
Specific. Details matter.
If you want your child or student to keep up a desirable behavior, praise it. Last week when I was cleaning tables in the school cafeteria, there were three boys still sitting at the table waiting for their teacher. There was a big, white napkin still sitting on the table as well as straw wrappers. I knew the trash wasn't theirs - these are boys who clean up their stuff - but the trash needed to be thrown away, and the kids are responsible to clean off their own tables. So I asked the boys to clean it up. Immediately, two of them protested: "But, that's not mine." The third reached over (he was the farthest from the mess, and therefore the least likely of the three to have left it) and picked the things up and threw them in the trash. I gave him 5 blessings (in simplest terms, positive "points" for good choices and good behavior). He stopped in his tracks. "Five? I've never been given that many at one time before."
"Attitude matters," I told him.
It wasn't his mess, but he cleaned it up and he did it with a good attitude. I wanted it contrast his choices with those of his friends. The attitude was more important to me than the clean up at that point. I was specific about what was praiseworthy; I hope it made an impact.
Last week I was on the receiving end of non-specific "appreciation." I'll give the individual the benefit of the doubt (which feels generous - I'm still quite frustrated over the whole thing) and say the intention was to make me feel appreciated and included, but the content of the message made it quite clear that the individual has no earthly idea what I do. Instead of making me feel warm and fuzzy about the appreciation, I felt wounded, angry and belittled.
Details matter. If you are going to reach out to someone in a genuine way, if you want someone to feel cared for or encouraged or loved, be sure you know what you are talking about. Be accurate. Be specific. Otherwise, instead of making something better, you just might make it worse.
Specific. Details matter.
If you want your child or student to keep up a desirable behavior, praise it. Last week when I was cleaning tables in the school cafeteria, there were three boys still sitting at the table waiting for their teacher. There was a big, white napkin still sitting on the table as well as straw wrappers. I knew the trash wasn't theirs - these are boys who clean up their stuff - but the trash needed to be thrown away, and the kids are responsible to clean off their own tables. So I asked the boys to clean it up. Immediately, two of them protested: "But, that's not mine." The third reached over (he was the farthest from the mess, and therefore the least likely of the three to have left it) and picked the things up and threw them in the trash. I gave him 5 blessings (in simplest terms, positive "points" for good choices and good behavior). He stopped in his tracks. "Five? I've never been given that many at one time before."
"Attitude matters," I told him.
It wasn't his mess, but he cleaned it up and he did it with a good attitude. I wanted it contrast his choices with those of his friends. The attitude was more important to me than the clean up at that point. I was specific about what was praiseworthy; I hope it made an impact.
Last week I was on the receiving end of non-specific "appreciation." I'll give the individual the benefit of the doubt (which feels generous - I'm still quite frustrated over the whole thing) and say the intention was to make me feel appreciated and included, but the content of the message made it quite clear that the individual has no earthly idea what I do. Instead of making me feel warm and fuzzy about the appreciation, I felt wounded, angry and belittled.
Details matter. If you are going to reach out to someone in a genuine way, if you want someone to feel cared for or encouraged or loved, be sure you know what you are talking about. Be accurate. Be specific. Otherwise, instead of making something better, you just might make it worse.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
The Nicest Thing
Another journalling question from Cheaper by the Dozen.
What is the nicest thing someone has recently said to you? Why did the compliment matter?
After a day of meetings at my new job, a co-worker popped her head into the library and said, "I appreciate you."
I have no idea what prompted her to say it. I am always self-conscious after events like that one, afraid that I talked too much, feeling a little like an outsider still, wondering where I fit in.
This is a woman I hold in high regard. She has scads of experience that she offers in a gracious, helpful way. She is a professional, taking her role - but not herself - seriously. She is organized. She follows and enforces the rules. She is classy. And she said she appreciates me.
I don't know if it was prompted by something I did or something I said or if it was just a general word of encouragement, but I really appreciated it.
What is the nicest thing someone has recently said to you? Why did the compliment matter?
After a day of meetings at my new job, a co-worker popped her head into the library and said, "I appreciate you."
I have no idea what prompted her to say it. I am always self-conscious after events like that one, afraid that I talked too much, feeling a little like an outsider still, wondering where I fit in.
This is a woman I hold in high regard. She has scads of experience that she offers in a gracious, helpful way. She is a professional, taking her role - but not herself - seriously. She is organized. She follows and enforces the rules. She is classy. And she said she appreciates me.
I don't know if it was prompted by something I did or something I said or if it was just a general word of encouragement, but I really appreciated it.
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