One of the foundational passages for our pastor's sermon Sunday was Psalm 139. The pastor talked about being known by God - "even when we are lost and undone." I was feeling pretty lost and undone this last weekend. My husband woke me up Saturday with the news that Dad's oldest brother had passed away Friday after almost two weeks in the hospital following a fall from a ladder. This on top of a week where a student lost her father suddenly and two students lost their house in a fire. I had such high hopes for 2012, but those hopes have been dashed. 2012 doesn't feel any better than 2011 did.
I'm supposed to be leading the congregational prayer at our church this Sunday. I'm wondering if I should have said no. I'm not feeling hopeful. I'm not feeling a "Yeah, Jesus," sort of spirit. I'm tired of being the one who keeps leading the downer prayers.
But I was comforted and encouraged Sunday by this idea that I am known. Jesus called Simon, renamed him Peter, and proclaimed a promising future because he knew what had been planted in Simon's soul from the beginning. He knew the potential there, waiting to bear fruit in time. As I have thought often of having lost those on earth who knew me longest and knew me best, I cling to the idea that God knows me even more fully - who I am and whom I will be - the frustration and discouragement I have felt this week, the hope I was longing for. I choose to trust in the One who can, in time, make me "abound in hope" again. [Romans 15:13]