About a month ago I was asked to do the congregational prayer at church for this past Sunday. I always say yes when I am asked but I am starting to question that practice.
I am comfortable speaking in front of the church, even when I have to do something off the cuff. But the last two times I have done this prayer, the writing of the prayer itself has been the worst chore imaginable. I feel like I always bring the downer prayer. I feel like I have to write this epic work that is going to sound beautiful. Even when I try to write something completely from my heart, it feels wrong. Either I'm trying too hard to impress folks or I'm too narrowly-focused on my own needs and experiences.
All day Saturday - as I did any other task but writing this prayer - I wondered what I was going to do. I started to think it might be a good plan to just string the words of songs together and hope no one really noticed! When I'm stressed, I can be too sassy for my own good.
Each word, each sentence is dragged out of me. I'm typing this up Saturday night to post Tuesday and I have never felt less prepared. It will be hard to get up tomorrow morning to do this. And I will be relieved when it is finished.