Punching and Prayer

I've tried two things to help with my anxiety (see previous post) that seem to be working.

1) Punching - In Jon Acuff's book Start, he talks about "punching fear in the face." He advises writing down the things fear says to you when you think about or start trying to make changes in your life. Fear usually says things like, "That will never work" or "It's too late for you to make this change." After you've identified the fears, Jon says to refute them, in detail. So I tried that with my anxiety. Since I knew what I was worried about, I then asked myself:

"What's the worst that could possibly happen in this situation?"

"How likely is this worst case scenario?"

"What supports and resources do I have if the worst actually does happen?"

"What are my options?"

Each situation I applied this to started to seem less scary and more manageable.

2) Prayer - I found this resource about anxiety online. But instead of reading the verses over and over, I decided to write them out in my own words and direct them at my specific circumstances. I only got through two verses - both re-writing and also some drawing to go with my thoughts - but I felt SO much better. Just from those two verses. And every time I have gone back to re-read those two verses, I have felt affirmed and at peace.

Will my anxiety return?

YES. Worry is too much of a habit for me at this point.

But I feel more equipped today than I did a week ago to address my fears and anxiety so it does not grow to control and consume me.

To Write Or Not to Write

I used Grammarly to grammar check this post, because school starts in less than two weeks - who has time to proofread?!

In  June I signed up for Teachers Write, a free summer writing program with prompts and advice and feedback from authors and other writers and teachers. For the first week, I stayed with every day's activities. Then we left for a vacation, and I thought, "I'll pick it up when we get home."

I took my writer's notebook with me on the trip. I even got a story idea that I jotted down so I wouldn't forget. And I wrote in a travel journal while we were gone. I kept track of all the things we did while on vacation. When we got home I saw all the Facebook notices about what I missed from Teachers Write, but I wasn't ready to dive in again. I was "still on vacation."

Two weeks later, I could no longer cite the "I'm still on vacation" excuse. If I'm honest with myself, I'm not writing - and not reading about writing - because I'm scared....

.... scared to sit down and try this story idea and find out I can't pull together more than a paragraph.
.... scared to wrestle with writing or planning - do I dive in and see where things go or do I outline a plan?
.... scared to write about things that are tense or that scare me
.... scared to find out I can't write fiction
.... scared to find out that what I do finally write just stinks

Writing is fear for me right now. Jon Acuff would tell me to "punch fear in the face." I guess it's time to dive back in and see if fear is ready for a pounding.

52 Lists - List Your Current and Future Goals

It's time for the "Week Four" list for 52 Lists. This has been one of my favorites. In fact, I left extra pages in my journal where I am writing these so I can keep adding to my lists.

Here are a few of my goals that I recorded:

• Work diligently now so I can take June and July off
• Develop systems for the library to help next year go smoothly
• Organize my book shelves (DONE)
• Be under ___ lbs by my dr appointment (did not meet this one)
• Write a book
• Get a graduate degree in Children's Literature
• Cultivate our home to have less clutter and more space to move around

This is only a sampling - I always have goals and tasks I am working on or hoping for the future. I like seeing them in writing, even if there are some that I missed.

Going over my list again made me think of this blog post by Jon Acuff. There is some great stuff in here about dealing rationally with that voice inside you that says your goal/dream is ridiculous and will never happen. I walked through his process with my graduate school dream and I feel like it helped me think through the logistics that can help me eventually move this dream towards reality. I hope you will check it out.

52 Days

There's a lot of the number 52 floating around here lately. There's the 52 Lists project I'm doing and the 52 Days system I've been trying this year.

This is an update on the 52 Days deal. That's the one where the year is broken in to 7 sections of 52 days each. You set some goals for the first 52 days (January 2- February 22). If they don't work, or if your life changes too much for them to make sense any more, you change them up for the second round.

Someone figured up the following days to start each round of 52: January 2, February 23, April 16, June 7, July 29, September 19, and November 10.

So, I'm now in the second round. Here's where my goals stand:
Spiritual - I am keeping my goal of daily devotions. That's gone well and I like the three apps I decided to use.
Financial - that one went okay. I was working to only buy books with gift cards rather than the credit card. Now I want to keep that and expand it, working to make our credit card bill only have automatic charges on it, rather than a variety of online shopping, etc. We've gotten lax with our charging and I want to reign that back in.
Physical - I have been waffling on my weekly commitment to Weight Watchers. Some weeks are good and some feel like a lost cause two days in. I want to re-commit to that process and I have set a specific goal and time frame for myself.
Social - This one was pretty vague last time. I'm trying to tighten that up with a more explicit plan to reach out socially every week in some way.
Mental - This was the other goal that was vague last time. This time I want to read one non-fiction book each month (I read Quitter in February) as well as reading one e-book (this was my goal last time - in February I read Buried in Buttercream  on my Nook) and one Advance Reader Copy (ARC) that I have received for my blog (In February I read Killer Honeymoon).
Career - I want to keep the goal of adding 10 new books to the library every week. I haven't done this for a couple weeks, but I haven't felt too badly about that considering I was doing more than that for all of January. I want to get back to that and get caught up on the batch that is almost ready to go before I do another book fair at the end of the month.
Family - This was another vague one last time. This time I want to keep up our reading routine which we re-established at the start of the year. Then I want to add a movie or game night every week where we do that together, really focused on being together rather than just being in the same room but all doing our own thing.

So, those are my new goals for this next block of 52 days.

How are your New Year's goals holding up now that March is here?

START

Jon Acuff is a writer and blogger I follow. I've blogged about him before, most recently about breaking your year into 52 day chunks to help you accomplish your goals.

I've become a fan of Jon's book, Quitter. In fact, I've bought copies for two friends and talked my husband into getting a copy as well (I've written in my copy, which makes it hard to lend). In a sentence, it is about pursuing your dream the smart way.

Jon is releasing a new book called Start in April. He has started doing events around the book in various parts of the country. I was fortunate to catch a webcast of the Nashville event recently. I thought it was inspiring - and funny! (My husband said he was glad he didn't want to go to bed early that night because I was laughing so much.) I have pre-ordered the new book (actually, I ordered one for me and another for a friend) and signed up for a newsletter. The newsletter got me a copy of the first chapter of Start. There was a good bit of material from the webcast I watched, but it was just as inspiring (and funny) the second time around. Pre-ordering the book got me two small e-books - Three Stages of an Awesome Idea,  and The Hater Handbook.

Here are a couple of highlights from my notes on these three pieces:

• Retirement is dead - and this is an opportunity. It used to be that life followed a liner path, but now that path works in a circle. You can get a fresh start at the cycle any time.
• Be productive now so you can be awesome later. Take time to generate ideas - brainstorming without critique - so you can cultivate the most awesome ones later.
• Make decisions that will create a story you will be proud of - decisions about your priorities, how you invest your time, etc.
• Love your dreams too much to hate somebody else's. The more time and energy you invest in your dream, the less time you have for jealousy and pettiness about another person's dreams. 

You can go to Jon's site here. Take a look at his blog to get a feel for his writing style and humor. If it clicks for you like it did for me, check out Quitter and Start. Hope you find some inspiration for your dreams!

What Do You Love?

I've been reading the book Quitter by Jon Acuff recently. It's about moving from your day job to your dream job in a well-thought out way - figuring out what that dream job is, taking steps to get there that still allow you to take care of your responsibilities to your family, etc.

One of the questions he asks is, "What do I love enough to do for free?"

I like this question - You can look at it as "what do I love in my current job?" or "what do I love?" in general. For me, it was a good exercise in highlighting all the parts of my job I enjoy. It got me thinking about how I would design my work or my schedule to maximize the parts I love. It also has the potential to help me deal better with the parts I don't like - doing THIS allows me to do THAT.

So, in honor of Valentine's Day today, think about your life - your work, your hobbies, your passions.

What do you love enough to do it for free? Or in my favorite variation - if you won the lottery and didn't HAVE to work, how would you invest your time?

52 Day Goal Update

A couple weeks ago I blogged about a new goal format for the year - setting goals in 52 day chunks throughout the year. The smaller time period would allow me to change goals that aren't working rather than scrapping them all together. The idea came from Jon Acuff.

Here's an update of how my goals are working so far in this first 52 day section of the year:
Spiritual (daily devotions) - I love the three apps I am using. As of this past Sunday (I check in on my goals each week on Sunday to keep them in my head and to refocus where I have gotten off track), I have only missed one day. I would like to keep up with this goal for the year and I feel like I've set a good foundation so far.
Financial (use gift cards, not credit cards to buy books) - as I was pulling together financial records for our tax preparation, I was embarrassed by how many books I bought for the school. A few is a nice gesture. This was ridiculous. This was manic. I want to exercise more self-control this year. Hopefully the plan to only buy books with gift cards will help with that.
Physical (Weight Watchers) - I have signed up for Weight Watchers and am slowly getting back into the swing of that. So far, we have been eating like we usually do and figuring out what points values go with our usual meals. The next step is to find some alternatives that don't burn through the points so quickly. I get about half the points each day that my husband gets (which is annoying), so I have to be much more careful in my planning.
Social (be more social) - I've discovered that I have an inertia problem. (Inertia is a body at rest wants to stay at rest). Once I get home on Friday afternoon, I don't feel like doing anything on the weekend. I just want to rest, dig into home activities, etc. I have to make the commitment to being social and force myself to follow through. I always have a great time once I go, but getting myself there is what requires the work.
Mental - my goal for this (reading on an e-device) was kind of lame, but I have done that. I have finished 4 books on my Nook this month.
Career (put 10 new books in the library every week) - In the three weeks of the school year, I have placed 83 new books in the school library. I found myself pretty sick of new books by the end of last week, though, so I started on a new project. We'll see if I keep up with 10 new ones this week or if I take a break.
Family (reclaim bedtime routine of reading) - we have gotten back into the routine of reading a book at bedtime during the school week. We finished the first book in the Wings of Fire series (The Dragonet Prophecy) and have started book two.

So far, I am pretty happy with my progress. I feel like I am taking manageable steps to form a life I want for myself and my family. Here's to the next half of the first 52 days!

Goals/52 Days

Over the New Year's holiday I read a blog post from Jon Acuff called, "Why I Quit New Year's Resolutions (And What I Am Doing Instead)."

This really resonated with me because I routinely bail on my New Year's goals by February. Acuff described my experience perfectly - the goals don't work because they are determined without any clue what the new year will hold by way of opportunities and challenges.

The idea of tackling the year - and my goals - in 52 day chunks seems like a great way to change the course for me. I am gradually working on my first set of goals, and I feel optimistic about them because I know if they stink, I will get to change them up in late February.

Jon recommends setting goals in seven areas: Mental, Spiritual, Physical, Financial, Social, Family and Career.  Here are mine for the first 52 days of 2013:

Mental - read one book per month (so one in January and one in February) on a device (Nook, Kindle app, iBooks). This is to help me actually use the books I have downloaded onto a device - and reading is always a winning goal.
Spiritual - download a devotional/Bible reading app and use daily. I want to be more intentional about my spiritual life this year. A colleague posted the following on Facebook:  “We never grow closer to God when we just live life. It takes deliberate pursuit and attentiveness.”   I don't know where she posted it from, but the sentiment challenged me. I have found a great Bible reading app and a couple devotional ones that I am doing every day. I'll post about those another day.
Physical - Join Weight Watchers in January. It's time. It worked well for my husband and I when we did it 6 years ago and I'm ready to get back to it.
Financial - only use gift cards or cash to buy books. We have worked really hard to pay off our credit card, but trips to the book store, at least for me, get pricey. It's too easy to swipe the card and worry about paying for them later.
Social - engage with friends in person - not just Facebook. This one is a little wimpy. I would love to make it more of a "invite friends to our home once a month" sort of goal, but I have issues with feeling comfortable with others seeing our house. It doesn't make sense. We've done a small "gathering" the last two years before Christmas and have really enjoyed it. But I have many more years of house-shame to overcome. Maybe that should be my goal instead - banish my house-shame by inviting people over.
Family - reclaim our bedtime reading routine, starting with Wings of Fire/The Dragonet Prophecy. We've gotten out of the habit of reading together at night and I want to get back to it. So far in the new year, we are doing better about being consistent.
Career - Put 10 new books out in the library every week. Before Christmas break I killed myself, working late even when I was sick, to get a big crop of books cataloged for the library. Now they essentially just need their coverings - laminate or those plastic sheets that libraries use on hard cover books with paper jackets. I brought three bags of books home to work on over break, and I ended up taking all three bags back to school, untouched. I really embraced the idea of a "break" for Christmas break, but I am still committed to getting new materials into kids' hands asap. So, we'll try for 10 a week and see how it works. Hopefully I can actually do more.

So, those are my goals for the first 52 days. What goals have you set for 2013?

One Little Word 2012

For the last few years I have tried to find a word to focus on for the year. Some years I have really worked with my word and other years I couldn't even remember what my word was.

For 2011, I picked "choose" or "choice." This has been a theme that cropped up a lot, mostly in sentiments like "I get to choose how I respond to this crummy thing going on."

I'm already thinking about what my word might be for 2012. Here are some choices I'm toying with:

1) Create - I have not been very crafty the last few months. I haven't scrapbooked in years, but my supplies and pictures continue to pile up. I have cross stitch patterns overflowing file cabinets. I'd like to be more crafty and creative this year.

2) Finish - one of my favorite bloggers is Jon Acuff. He recently issued a challenge to focus on finishing in 2012. I am a good starter, but a poor finisher. I like the idea of making an effort to finish something in 2012.

3) Twelve - I am taking a scrapbooking class online in January called Twelve. I like the idea of planning some "twelves" for the new year - twelve projects to focus on, twelve books to read, etc. 


Will you choose a word for 2012? What word are you thinking about?