Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Reflections on Marriage - part 1

My husband and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary not long ago and it got me thinking about marriage and what we have learned over the years.

The first thing I have learned is that expectations are everything. When newly married couples are disappointed or fighting, a lot of the time it is because their expectations have not been met. Maybe they expected to want to be together all the time and they discover that they only get on each other's nerves. Maybe one spouse expected the other to do the dishes and the laundry and the other hates household chores. Maybe there are expectations about priorities - where work fits with family and faith. Maybe both extended families expected the happy couple to show up for Christmas so they could celebrate it like they always have - and each spouse expects the same. Someone is going to be disappointed.... or angry.

If those expectations are assumed, but never discussed openly, disappointment is inevitable.It is better to bring expectations out into the open - talk about them upfront, seek consensus, and you can avoid (some) strife.

I would love to hear what you have learned about relationships or marriage. What do you think about expectations?

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