Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Grass Is Always Greener

Last week was the beginning of a two week break from school (that still included at least one business stop for about an hour) that my son and I desperately needed.

Just because we weren't AT school didn't mean I wasn't working. I had 5 philosophy books to read and I had to write a 6 page paper. (And this week I have another project that has to be done before school starts - mostly because once students are there, there won't be time to get it done!) So I did that last week along with some cleaning, a trip to the pool, a trip to the bowling alley, and a couple of "play days" for my son. It was a good week.

But it reminded me of summers past and I missed them. Four years ago, we were home together and I wasn't working. Our days were filled with sleeping late, book store dates, tv, games, books, movies, snuggling and just hanging out. In retrospect, it sounds glorious. A twinge of regret and resentment started to settle in my heart.

I want a summer like that again. I want low key, slow-paced.

But a conversation with a friend reminded me of the down side of those days. I was rarely relaxed then. My activities might have given that impression, but on the inside, I was churning. I felt like I wasn't doing enough or doing anything of consequence. I wondered if my life would ever have purpose beyond the walls of my home.

Yeesh! I seriously need some contentment in my life, huh? It all comes back to that SAVOR theme for the year. In fact, I may need to work that theme again next year at the rate I am going! Rather than enjoy the slow pace of summers past, I wished them away, feeling aimless. Rather than enjoying the anticipation of starting a new school year in a job I adore, I am lamenting the work that will facilitate that work.

I still have so much to learn.

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